to your right, ladies and gentlemen, is the ultimate weapon of destruction. the autorickshaw.
commonly called pest, bloody death trap, cockroach, maggot. and these are the kinder terms used to describe it. most car drivers when called upon to descripe them in a short but apt word, prefer to use words that form graphic combinations beween female relatives and sexual positions.
the problem does not lie in the fact that the auto is extremely unstable. or the chances of falling out of it every time you go over the ditch is very high. the problem lies with the drivers.
most consider themselves to be a cross between an F1 driver, a F16 pilot and a Bollywood hero.
So the first thing they do when they get their hands on an auto is put huge speakers at the back. In fact there have times when I've sat in an auto and suddenly wondered why my hair smells like its burning. Only to realise that the speaker panel has become so hot that there is steam rising from the back of my head.
The second thing they do is add cut outs of film stars, usually woman inside the auto. So you are sitting being gazed upon by Priety Zinta and Madhuri, as they smile coyly.
The third thing is to add two mirrors in front. usually this is a safety devise so the driver can see overtaking vehicles from both sides. but our heros prefer to use the mirrors, either pointed towards them, so at all times they can keep a sharp eye on their latest Shahrukh hairdo. Or if there's a pretty woman at the back, they can adjust the mirror to keep her in view.
The fourth thing is to bring out all the gods (the way they drive, the should keep a whole temple on the dashboard). But well, for now there will be at least three gods and assorted stickers there.
This will be accompanied by sickly sweet smelling aggarbattis at all times.
After these four points have been covered the young auto guy learns to drive. In the school of lets crash into whatever we see first. Here's are traffic rules for an auto guy.
1. There is no right of road. It's all in the mind. So carry on where you want, hopefully no one will mind.
2. If you want to turn, do it suddenly. If you can make the guy behind you press his brakes very hard and skid, you have done your job well.
3. If you want to turn right, stay in the left lane, so you can cut sharply. For scaring the passenger in your auto to death you get extra points.
4. if you see your lane is jammed, don't stay there. rush forward and create another lane. Hopefully you'll be able to block traffic on both sides, and will be declared auto man of the year.
5. If you see a ditch, accelerate hard, and fly straight into it. If your axle breaks its a loss. If the passenger breaks his head, its entertainment.
6. If there is a prtty girl at the back, drive fast and keep turning back to look at her. Or stare into mirror. after a while when her face starts to turn pale, turn your eyes back to the road.
7. Stop anywhere you like. Suddenly.
Whew. So yesterday one of these outstanding men, recently graduated from the school of hard knocks, was taking me home. We landed up skidding around a park as he took a sharp turn on full speed, hitting a car and finally landing on our backs with the auto on top of us.
i think the auto school is planning to nominate him as driver of the year!
commonly called pest, bloody death trap, cockroach, maggot. and these are the kinder terms used to describe it. most car drivers when called upon to descripe them in a short but apt word, prefer to use words that form graphic combinations beween female relatives and sexual positions.
the problem does not lie in the fact that the auto is extremely unstable. or the chances of falling out of it every time you go over the ditch is very high. the problem lies with the drivers.
most consider themselves to be a cross between an F1 driver, a F16 pilot and a Bollywood hero.
So the first thing they do when they get their hands on an auto is put huge speakers at the back. In fact there have times when I've sat in an auto and suddenly wondered why my hair smells like its burning. Only to realise that the speaker panel has become so hot that there is steam rising from the back of my head.
The second thing they do is add cut outs of film stars, usually woman inside the auto. So you are sitting being gazed upon by Priety Zinta and Madhuri, as they smile coyly.
The third thing is to add two mirrors in front. usually this is a safety devise so the driver can see overtaking vehicles from both sides. but our heros prefer to use the mirrors, either pointed towards them, so at all times they can keep a sharp eye on their latest Shahrukh hairdo. Or if there's a pretty woman at the back, they can adjust the mirror to keep her in view.
The fourth thing is to bring out all the gods (the way they drive, the should keep a whole temple on the dashboard). But well, for now there will be at least three gods and assorted stickers there.
This will be accompanied by sickly sweet smelling aggarbattis at all times.
After these four points have been covered the young auto guy learns to drive. In the school of lets crash into whatever we see first. Here's are traffic rules for an auto guy.
1. There is no right of road. It's all in the mind. So carry on where you want, hopefully no one will mind.
2. If you want to turn, do it suddenly. If you can make the guy behind you press his brakes very hard and skid, you have done your job well.
3. If you want to turn right, stay in the left lane, so you can cut sharply. For scaring the passenger in your auto to death you get extra points.
4. if you see your lane is jammed, don't stay there. rush forward and create another lane. Hopefully you'll be able to block traffic on both sides, and will be declared auto man of the year.
5. If you see a ditch, accelerate hard, and fly straight into it. If your axle breaks its a loss. If the passenger breaks his head, its entertainment.
6. If there is a prtty girl at the back, drive fast and keep turning back to look at her. Or stare into mirror. after a while when her face starts to turn pale, turn your eyes back to the road.
7. Stop anywhere you like. Suddenly.
Whew. So yesterday one of these outstanding men, recently graduated from the school of hard knocks, was taking me home. We landed up skidding around a park as he took a sharp turn on full speed, hitting a car and finally landing on our backs with the auto on top of us.
i think the auto school is planning to nominate him as driver of the year!
1 comment:
LOL ! :) that was hilarious
Ps- hope u alright after the last 'flip a-la tut tut'!!
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